Fears that the Captain had gone done with sun stroke were voiced last night after he won the toss and put Old Wimbledonians into bat!
With the mercury rising, the Captain led Cincers into the Raynes Park desert, sorry, field, muttering something about 'It'll be hotter than this in Lisbon. Best to be prepared.'
Six hours later, over Guinness and Stella (Artois) on the OW's terrace, the frazzled-Great Leader reflected on a 93-run defeat.
'D'you know, it might have been better to have a bat first,' he said.
The Vice-Skip departed loo-wards, sniping: 'Runs on the board. Every time.'
The day began inauspiciously (look it up).
A late replacement - somebody called Nan - didn't turn up.
Then strike bowler Sam rang the Skip shortly before the scheduled start.
Sam: 'Afternoon, Skipper. Have you got a first-aid box?'
Skip: 'Er, no but why?'
Sam: 'I've stubbed my big toe on an escalator. Bleeding badly. Plaster?'
Skip: 'Barman, another whisky please!'
Then Will, our number 3 batting blitzer, arrived to announce he had a very bad back or could it be a kidney stone on the way?
Cincers took the field with a depleted bowling line-up, with Big Jim, Tim R, Max and Rockie all absent.
So Selfish opened up with Ben Gill gamely at the other.
OWs began at a sedate, solid pace but without losing a wicket.
Ben struck first when OWs opener Matt Irvine (one-time playing partner of both the Skip and Rockie) charged him and Will took a steepler at cover (Hmmm. Bad back's shaping up).
Sadly for Cincers, a second-wicket partnership between Muckerjee and Ferguson pushed OWs towards a healthy score until Muckerjee (54) obligingly pulled a long hop from the Captain to Selfish at short mid-wicket.
Sam, meanwhile, had bravely offered to bowl with much limping and 'only off a few paces' excuses.
Newcomer Nick Bentley (wrongly introduced to OWs by the Skip with words 'the new bowler is Bent') sent down five overs - including not a few beamers.
Alex, our languid occasional left-hand batsman, also chipped in as did Tom and a late flurry of wickets saw Selfish almost get a hatrick.
The innings closed at 210 for 7 off 40 after some superb fielding by Cincers, with Ben a stand-out performer and Nick also pulling off some great stops.
Selfish had 4 for 11 off 8 (it's suppposed to be a team game. Can someone please tell him?), Ben 1 for 41 off 8, Sam one for 39 off 7, the Skip one for 32 off 6 while Nick had 0 for 45 off 5, Alex none for 25 off 4 and Tom's two overs cost 13. Cincers took tea confident that a top order of Tom, Alex, Will and Selfish (dropping down to 4 for a rest after his bowling).
Some rest. Tom played on/left one, depending on who you believe, in the first over and Alex was yorked in the next.
Will began impressively but Selfish holed out at point. Worryingly, the ball was hit directly at the umpire who happened to be the Skip.
Then Will was caught behind.
Wickets continued to fall until the Skip joined Adam S at 62 for six.
Having kept superbly, Adam now started batting in the same vein, with some gorgeous cover and straight drives.
A partnership of 52 ensued, thanks to the Skip's occasional dribbled singles and Adam's sumptuous strokes.
A rare attempt at an aggressive shot by the Skip led to his downfall, having crafted five runs (nose-bleed territory for him). 114 for 7.
Sadly, we only made it to 117 even though Tom was allowed back in as our 11th by courtesy of OWs captain Lawrence.
Ben was controversially given out LBW by the Skip. 'The silly fool, he thought it was going to hit the wicket but it would have missed the sight-screen,' said one malcontent.
Tom was left-stranded on 3, having hit four from his first knock. Cruel would it be to point out that was a combined total of seven was one more than the six overthrows which came off his attempted shy at the stumps earlier in the afternoon.
The day ended with the Captain leaving the field with a crazed look and muttering 'Look! Over there! Yes! Yes! It's an oasis!'
PS: Many thanks to Nick and Ben for stepping in at short notice and to OWs for a great game, nice tea and facilities.
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