Cincers' hit by 'bat-fixing' scandal after Selfish stages one-made show to sink the Saints

Cincinnati was last night plunged into a damaging internal row over claims that our star batsman had deliberately 'not got out'.
Simon 'Selfish' B was accused of a calculating 'bat-fixing'  bid to prevent other team members from having a bat during the victory over London Saints.
Sources claimed the opening bat sent a text after the game boasting of how he had deliberately prevented colleagues from taking the crease by scoring an undefeated century.
One source said: 'Selfish was crowing about how the sight of other Cincers' queuing up for a go  with their freshly-oiled bats had egged him on to not get out. Typical.'
The row threatened to overshadow a superb Cincers' triumph over Saints at their home ground of Elstree on one of  this summer's three scheduled non-raining Sundays.
After the Skip lost the toss (as usual), the game began with Robert de Q showing off at square leg by running out (controversially, according to Saints) one of their openers and then taking a lobbed catch off Abid.
Other highlights of Saints' innings included Abid and the Chairman (T. Ross Esq) snaffling three wickets a piece.
The Spinners Union (R. Hadlow and the Skip) had a mixed day. Richard got a bit of a biffing.
The Skipper went for (one) less than five an over and took a wicket. He was later seen buying a lottery ticket.
And so to our controversy-hit reply. Set 167 to win off 35, the Chairman and the aforementioned Selfish began slowly. Very slowly.
At one point, we were going at under two an over.
The Chairman in particular was struggling to find his usual form,
The impending arrival of new baby (Bill as he is now known) was doubtless on his mind.
But at the other end, Simon was getting into his stride.
The first wicket went down at 78 when Tim was bowled.
But only one more fell before Cincers overhauled the opposition's total with nine balls of the 35 overs to spare.
Simon finished on 117 not out.
Stat-watch:  Selfish has now played three times against Saints, never been out and has scored a 100 each time.
Saints' frustration was clear for all to see.
Sadly, so was the frustration of eager-beaver Cincers' batters (Dee and the Skip included) all padded up and nowhere to go after Simon's crease-hogging performance.
Selfish was last unavailable to comment - largely  because the blog didn't ring him beforehand!
* NEW FEATURE - ROCKIE'S REVIEW (EACH WEEK, THE FORMER CHAIRMAN WILL OFFER HIS CONSIDERED VIEWS ON THE DAY)
Hmm. As the person who coined the 'Selfish Simon' tag, I'm not surprised at these bat-fixing rumours.
Some people don't seem to understand that cricket's about partnerships, sharing, letting other people 'have a go'.
The batting crease is not one person's private property. It belongs to us all. It's our birthright.
It's as English as Magna Carta though I can't say I've ever met the lady.
If this goes on, there'll be no point anyone else bringing their bat along to games.
You might as well bring a stick of rhubarb. With some sugar and custard. Yum yum. Lovely!
(As told to the Skip).