Cincers take revenge on Actors as sun finally shines...but who ate all the coffee cake?

Test Match Tim hit form today to steer Cincers home against the formidable Actors bowling attack.
He and new recruit Gaurav - son of Dee -  put on an undefeated stand of 80 to take us past the oppo's total of 124.
Ten of the allotted 35 overs were unused  as Cincers seemingly coasted to victory.
But the result  - revenge on our heavy defeat at the hands of Actors last month -  was no walk in the park.
Firstly, the Skip did what he always does at the start of a game....lost the toss.
It was relief when Actors did what we wanted them to do - opted to bat first.
As ever,  several Cincers were late.
Majid, Farhan and Kamran arrived 45 minutes after the scheduled start, apparently thanks to an emergency stop at Carphone Warehouse on the way over.
By the time they finally rolled up, we were well under the cosh.
Alex W - thrown the new ball by the Skip in a cunning ploy to stop him moaning about not getting a bowl - was wild.
Or should that be 'wide'?
The big man was spraying it all over the show, leaving keeper Dee not sure which wicket we were supposed to be playing on.
The champagne moment came when he fired one down between first and second slip, and then berated them for 'just standing there' and not stopping the resulting four wides.
He was immediately dubbed 'Mr Angry' by the highly-amused opposition watching from under the trees.
Fortunately, Gaurav, opening at the other end, was a model of accuracy and good lines.
The batsmen played and missed, depriving the new recruit of a wicket.
Gaurav went, though, for just seven runs off four overs.
Eventually, Mr Angry at the other end hit the jackpot - a fast, straight ball that castled oppo opener J. Flood all ends up.
The Shock of The New, they call in the art world.
A ball on the stumps, we called it.
Mr Flood departed in a state of dazed surprise.
Sadly, the wides virus also affected Richard de Q's normally niggardly line.
Our generosity meant Actors were rattling along at over five an over after the first 10.
Richard hit back with a stunning caught and bowled which put paid to Actors' other free-scoring opener.
Charlie Barker came on at the tennis-court end Alex had operated from but he immediately hit a good length and line.
He was clobbered in his second over for two boundaries but  responded by clean-bowling Actors' number three.
A key moment came in the final over of his spell of seven.
First ball,  Actors' talented Kiwi batsman Simon put Charlie over the ropes for a superb six.
Three balls later, though, he was gone - bowled by a top-hole delivery which pitched leg and hit off.
Unplayable.
Presumably the Skip was inspired by his example.
Having first checked with Air Traffic Control, the purveyor of twirly leggies brought himself on at the allotments end and for once found a decent length straight up.
His first two overs went for a relatively scrooge-like nine.
With the first ball of his next,  the Captain made a breakthrough.
He bowled Actors number six who went back when he should have come forward.
The Skip's seven-over spell accounted for three more oppo batsmen  - two of them caught at mid-wicket by Alex W.
Majid, who arrived in a bright turquoise top that needed planning permission, was clearly upset he wasn't getting a share of the limelight.
So when he was finally thrown the ball, he took three in four balls in a triple-wicket maiden.
One of them was a spectacular caught-behind by Dee who threw himself across first slip (Test Match) to snaffle the chance.
It was left to the Skip to end the innings, taking the 11th wicket (12 aside-game so many people turned up) when Westie held one of his catches at mid-wicket.
Wayward as his bowling can be, Alex is establishing himself as one of Cincers' safest pair of hands in the field.
Pity he had blotted his copybook by escorting a clip through midwicket off Richard de Q over the boundary for four.
Actors finished on 124 - 16 of them wides out of 22 extras overall.
Tut, tut.
The 125 target off 35 was not, in theory, a mountain to claim, especially as at long last the sun was beating down on the venue at Ham near Richmond.
Cincers' batting this season, though, has been anything but summit-scaling.
Add to that Actors' bowling which is traditionally one of their strengths.
So it proved anything but easy.
Test Match opened with Biraj from BK who stepped in at short notice this morning when Tim M was ruled out by a domestic gas leak (all safely sorted, by the way).
 Actors' opening bowlers Jamie and J. Flood were on the money, pitching the ball up and getting lift, bounce and not a little swing.
Test Match and Biraj, though, picked off the few bad balls and the scoring rate was not a problem.
With the score on 21, Biraj perished - smacking the ball hard to shortish extra-cover where Jamie took a smart catch.
Enter Farhan at number three.
He was quickly into his stride, notching a couple of boundaries and looking in his pomp.
Actors were clearly scarred by Farhan's last appearance against them - a quick-fire 50-odd when he was batting at number 10 (hmmm...was that because he was late then as well...?)
Anyhow, Actors clearly remembered, muttering about how important it was to get rid of him as quickly as possible.
A snorter of a delivery from Actors' J. Flood  almost did the trick.
It pitched on off and reared away to first slip.
The very next ball did work the magic.
Pitched full and swinging late to leg,  it caught Farhan on his back foot, sparking a frenzied LBW.
It was given.
Cincers were on 45 with plenty of time and overs to go.
But a wobble was more than possible.
Actors, used to seeing Cincers collapse, sensed this could be their moment.
The sledging certainly increased as Gaurav joined Test Match in the middle.
Nervous edges came and went, as did appeals for LB.
There was one definite chance off Gaurav's bat that went down at first slip - to the fury of bowler Simon.
But all the time Test Match - not thus far this year in vintage form - was getting into his stride.
One sumptious extra-cover drive was just about the shot of the day.
Gaurav too was gaining in confidence, driving crisply and scoring freely.
In the end, the duo took us safely over the line.
Tim finished on 44 not out, Gaurav on 33 undefeated.
Thanks to Actors for a great game and for bringing the stumps, boundary markers and scoreboard.
Thanks to Dee for bringing the tea.
Thanks most of all to Mrs Hayles for the coffee cake!
Sadly, there was not enough to go round.
But sources very close to the Skipper say it was moist, creamy and quite, quite delicious.

Third defeat on the trot for Cincinnati as only straight-bat Frank leaves Whitstable unbeaten

This was a game that, given the weather, should never have happened.
By close of play, Cincers wish it hadn't.
Despite a deluge the day before and all the forecasts, the annual fixture against Whitstable Labour Club went ahead last Sunday.
We even turned up on time (well, mostly) at the pitch in Radfall.
Sadly,  the Skip's usual bad luck with the toss also turned up.
We had to bat first on a damp pitch and under overcast skies (just like last year).
Progress was, er, slow.
Test Match was bowled early, the Skip went first ball and when Dee was LB shortly afterwards, Cincers were 20-odd for 3 with nearly an hour gone.
Forgot to say, we play time-game rules in Whitstable.
Thankfully, due to the foul weather nearly everywhere else, Finchley's game was cancelled so Frank was in our ranks.
Together he and Moyners put together a key partnership.
Frankie particularly enjoyed his knock, pulling oppo skip Richard for a six into the brambles at midwicket and forcing us to search for the ball.
Abid's rarely moved so quickly after he found there were stinging nettles in among the brambles.
After we found the ball, Moyners, AKA Mixed Grill*, went for 15 (he walked amid chaotic appeals for a stumping after sportingly admitting he'd nicked it to the keeper).
Enter Roger Shorrock, one of our our resident Whitstable players, looking calm, resolute and determined to make his one game of the season a memorable one.
So it was for the oppo bowler.
Lancastrian Roger was skittled for the big 'O' (very fashionable total for natives of the Red Rose county as the Skip could testify).
Amid the drama, Frank pressed on, stealing the singles here and there, punishing the bad ball and passing his 50 (his first for Cincers?).
He was joined by Alex W who smote a mighty straight six before he was caught for 13.
Kamran was stumped for six but our Aussie coach ended unbeaten on a superb 73.
A total of 144 for 7 off 39 was not a bad effort in the gloom.
But with the sun coming out, it didn't appear not quite so hot.
Cincers bowled well to keep Whitstable in check, with Abid especially miserly at one end.
At the other, first Majid then Kamran went close but it was Dee who struck first.
Our keeper spotted the Whitstable opener was dawdling out of his crease and smartly threw down the stumps.
17 for one became 29 for 2 when oppo Richard, one of their best batsman,  chipped the ball to an alert  Alex W at extra cover off Abid
With Kamran bowling stubborn Whitstable opener Keith, we had them at 45 for 3.
Another wicket went when Frank, coming on to replace Abid, bowled their keeper Peter.
Our hopes rose.
But Whitstable's master-blaster J. Wicks (who also served up a very fine tea) held his cool.
Instead of his usual fireworks over cow corner, he began accumulating instead.
In partnership with their number six, he steered bit by bit towards the target.
Richard H's late introduction didn't fox him.
A late drama did ensue when Alex W, finally given an over by the Skip, sprayed a few about before trapping Mr Wicks plumb LB.
Four overs to do, 20 to win, five wickets...could there be one of those famous late Cincers v Whitstable late twists?
There could.
The Skip took Westie off (to bring Frank on), thereby provoking a furious response from the deposed paceman who looked caught between launching a High Court legal challenge and thumping the Skip.
Fortunately, he did neither (at the time of writing, that is).
But sadly for us,  the game was up.  Whitstable got the runs just before the scheduled close.
In other words, our third defeat on the run.
But many thanks to all at the Labour Club for another fine game, a splendid tea and the usual great hospitality.
* ROCKIE'S REVIEW (As told to the Skip): I'm often asked: 'Why is Tim M called Mixed Grill?'
Funnily enough, most people think it dates from his choice of dish on tour in Tenby a few years ago in an Indian restaurant.
While the rest of the team tucked into traditional, tonsil-removing hot curries (apart from the Skip who faints at the mere sight of chillies), Tim ordered the only English dish on the menu.....mixed grill.
Or so everyone remembers.
In fact, it was far more exotic. Little bits of fish in breadcrumbs with chunky chips, actually.
So technically,  when you call to Moyners in the field, you should all shout: 'Oi! Scampi!'

Hammering at Haydons Road as Cincinnati are humbled by sharp-swinging SLICC

And it all started so well.
After bungling out opponents SLICCfor just 130 nine overs short of the allotted 40, what could go wrong?
A superb spell of sharp inswing bowling, that's what.
Skittled, we were.
Blown away.
This is one batting card we won't want to see again..ever.
The top five read: 0, 0, 0, 0 and....0.
Number six, Majid, was the first man to trouble the scorers.
Only two Cincers got into double figures, with Chris P top-scoring on 13.
We had no answer to an inspired spell of fast-medium inswing from SLICC's Danny.
The Skip led the way, opening the batting with Test Match Tim (because no-one else would) and leaving one outside off.
Except it swept in to re-arrange his stumps.
At least the  next three batsmen - Farhan, Richard de Q and Alex W (his first appearance of the season) - played a shot.
Fat lot of good it did them, though. They were all bowled.
At the other end, facing SLICC's skipper Will, Test Match Tim was our big hope.
He looked ready to dig in, grind it out, edge towards victory......until he left a widish ball outside his off stump (all the best players do).
It pitched and seamed sharply back in. Clatter. Another 0.
Dee arrived at the crease looking determined to see off the savage inswingers at the other end.
So determined, he got everything he could in front of off stump.
And then looked back in utter amazement to see his wicket shattered by another pearler of a Danny delivery.
At one stage, Cincers were 2 for six.
Getting cocky (and why not?) our opponents dared to think the wickets column would outmatch the runs tally.
They reckoned without a minor rally from Chris Payne and debut player Chris Hope who plundered two late boundaries before nicking off.
A sad, sad total of 45 off 14.5 overs was our return for the day.
Before,  Cincers had done well (so we thought)  to keep SLICC down to just 130 on a breezy, showery day at Haydons Road, South Wimbledon.
Test Match led the way with a cracking spell off 4 for 3 off 6!
But Richard H also shone with  3 for 13 off 4 (one of them a rare 'hit wicket'..by the batsman, that is).
New boy Chris Hope opened his wicket account, courtesy of a nick from the batsman, an assist from keeper Dee and finally a diving catch from Test Match at first slip.
But Dee needed no help when he took a quite stunning one-handed catch off Chris P's bowling to get the opening wicket.
Later, the loss of the ball - thanks to a top-edged six by SLICC skipper Will off Kamran - sparked a nice row.
It disappeared into a locked-up tennis court and the proposed replacement - an odd-looking Kookaburra - sparked protests from Will.
'I wouldn't worry about it  - you'll be out soon,' said Alex sportingly.
He was right.
Will was bowled by Kamran and a promising start of 73 for 1 collapsed into 130 all out, with several of the oppo's lower-order batsmen being very obliging.
Pity SLICC's bowling didn't follow suit.
They did seem to be using a rather posh ball.
But no sour grapes, boys.
And many congrats to Danny for his 6 for 12 off 6, five of them bowled.
ROCKIE'S REVIEW (As told to the Skipper): If there's one thing worse than turning up late for a game, it's arriving on time.
If only Cincers had shown some sense here and rolled up late.
Better still, don't turn up at all when the bowling's this good.
It's bad manners, I know.
But not showing up for a match is sometimes the only way.
I should know. I've only turned up for one game so far this season.
And it's done wonders for my batting average.

Time gentlemen, please! Late late show costs Cincers dear in tense encounter with Actors

A heroic ninth wicket stand of 89- probably a club record, who knows! -  from Farhan and Richard H rescued Cincinnati from humiliation at Ham.
But it wasn't enough to save us from defeat....after nearly half the side rolled up hours late.
The no-show obliged the Skip to bat first on a wet, sticky wicket that was soon being used to maximum effect by Actors' seamers.
The ball darting around, we were soon hanging on for dear life at 18 for 4.
And still no sign of four batsmen.
There wasn't much sign of Tim M either - even though he arrived on time.
The changing rooms weren't yet open and 'Shelving' refused to change behind a tree, despite the Skip generously finding a trunk that was wide enough.
Even when he did arrive at the crease (at number six), he didn't last much longer than the rest of us.
At 38 for 8, the game surely was up.
But by then, reinforcements had arrived - Farhan included.
He joined Richard H, who was having a nosebleed batting at 9, and together they put on a heroic stand.
Well, Richard did the standing and Farhan did the heroic hitting.
Three sixes and six fours came off his blade before he holed out for an invaluable 56.
No other batsman made double figures.
Richard went a few balls Farhan before taking an age to score 9 but showed the rest of us how to hang on and put a partnership together.
A total of 117 off 33.1 was hardly a mountain for Actors to climb, especially as conditions were better for batting at the start of their innings.
But with Majid giving nothing away at one end, Chris P picked up two wickets - one courtesy of a blinder of a catch behind square by Richard de Q.
And with Actors seemingly recovering at 59 for 2,  Richard H winkled out a batsman, with Dee taking the stumping.
It quickly became 59 for 4 when new recruit offspinner Starbucks (not his real name though I don't know what that is) took a wicket.
Round about now came the big controversy of the match - a 'stumping' not given off Richard H.
The batsman - Mr Hurst - went on to be Actors' top score of 39 n/o but my, that was you call a close decision.
Kamran, another new recruit this season,  put in a superb spell of 2 for 2 off 6 overs and another new boy, Abdullah, also picked up a wicket.
But six wickets down was as much as we could get Actors before they passed our total with two overs to spare. Or was that two hours?
ROCKIE'S REVIEW (as told to the Captain):  Tick, tock, tick, tock went the old grandfather clock in Rock Hall.
It taught me one very valuable lesson, that clock  (well, apart from that fact that clocks make a noise).
In life and in cricket,  timing is everything.
Taking to the crease is just like catching a plane.
You wouldn't turn two hours at Heathrow for a flight, would you?
No, you wouldn't.
Turn up late and you've had it. It's gone.
At least with a plane, you can catch a later one (depending on your ticket).
But with batting, well, blink and you've missed it.
And I should know.