Of Tubs and treachery...

Cincinnati hit a new low yesterday when four team members conspired to deny the team a triumphant first day on tour in Wales.
The Gang of Four - led by non-Welsh speaker "Selfish batter" Bevan - turned their backs on their team mates to play for the opposition - Bosherston and Stackpole CC. Tubs Moynihan, fortified by a whopper-sized serving of scampi and chips in the Indian restaurant the night before (and we do mean INDIAN) tucked into the Cincinnati attack to rack up more than 70 runs and a cheeseburger.
Cincinnati bowlers, clearly unwilling to get the traitors out, served up a rich diet of half-volleys and full-tosses - especially after Tubs pulled up with a calf muscle strain. The generous bowling was entirely in keeping with the wonderful hospitality provided by hosts BSCC at a reserve ground on an army camp set in the rolling countryside of Selfish Batter's native Pembrokeshire.
The day opened with BSCC appealing for players from the overstocked, if undertalented, ranks of the touring squad.
But the skipper was appalled when Selfish led Tubs, former, and never to be again, chairman Graham Rock, "quickie" Kiwi Max "Lord" Rashbrooke and young Dan over to join the home team.
Worse, Rocky successfully reprised his John Travolta-style of wicketkeeping to frustrate Cincinnati despite a gallant opening stand by the chairman and the skipper who got a nose bleed when he reached the dizzy heights of 18 before succumbing to vertigo (caught at slip at the second attempt). Team trouble-maker Ash livened up proceedings by smashing a six and promptly falling down in adoration of the shot. The vice-captain defied gravity and technique to hit a swashbuckling 30-odd, including four drops along the way before retiring hurt - possibly the first player in history to be hit in the foot by a wide (bowled by Selfish, to make matters worse).
Earlier, Test Match (the artist formerly known as Lurpak) departed, muttering "No Ball!" after missing a shooter from fine young prospect James Adie, a 12-year-old swing bowler.
Keeper Will bludgeoned Cincer's top score of 45 not out and Big Jim hit a two ball six-and-out to take Cincers to 183 off 35 overs - with Adie taking 3-32 for BSCC with some fine bowling.
After a banquet of a tea - deliberately involving extra sponge cake to slow Cincers down in the field - BSCC themselves got off to a sedate start, with skipper Jenkins caught at gully by Test Match off Adam O'Callaghan seam-up bowling.
That brought in the traitor Rock who found, from God knows where, a range of shots never seen when playing his own club. Thankfully the Gods of criket, and Rocky's own disastrous judge of a run, eventually brought an end to his innings, but not before he had reached 28.
Enter Tubs, and the Shelving. Fortified by a tea-time snack of 16 scotch eggs and a ham and bacon pie, Tubs put his team mates to the sword with some sparkling driving.
Frantic bowling changes by the skipper failed to stem the BSCC tide, even though the chairman - bowling into the setting sun, winkled out two batters.
A helpless Tubs, by now relying on a runner, watched aghast as his team mates ran him out.
In a tense finish, Big Jim returned to get a wicket and bring in Selfish. "Leave it to me skip - I have a cunning plan," he said, before serving up a smorgasbord of legs-side morsels duly despatched by Selfish over the heads of distraught Cincinnatians to give BSCC a victory off the penultimate ball.
No flowers please, just donations to the Crocked Cincinnatians (JP's foot)Fund.
* Our picture shows Tubs about to tuck in to his scampi and chips a la Mumbai in Tenby's fine Bay of Bengal restaurant.