Ring bells! Uncork the champers! Slicc finally fall to Cincers after Ali thinks he's in the IPL

This was a result to savour - all the more so, because a few overs out, we were still losing.
At last, a victory over Slicc.
The team that, in our brief series of encounters so far, always seem to better us.
The side that last year had us 2 for six (and the two were leg byes).
So when the Skip, umpiring, signalled the wide that gave us the win, it was a sweet moment.
The heroes? Quite a few of them, actually.
We started in the field with Big Dan making his debut and frightening the wits out of the oppo with his Harmison-like bounce and pace.
Shahbaz, newly restored to Cincers, had his hands full keeping.
We bowled very well at times with Dan restricting them to 18 off seven (1 wicket) and Ali swing-bowling like it was on the end of a string (2 for 33 off 8).
New signing Faisal also bowled as did Majid (2 for 31 off six) but the rest of us let the side down a bit.
Now, this being a Slicc game, there was more than a smidgen of edge to the proceedings - especially over the odd umpiring decision!
But Slicc finished on a formidable 246 for 4 off their allotted 40 with their captain notching 115 not out.
To blunt their renowned in-swing bowler Dan, Cincers opened with the Skip and Abid...in a bid to blunt the swerve.
It half-worked.
The Skip was skittled in the third over but Abid clung on (controversially, thought Slicc) before departing for seven.
Sadly, although he wasn't aware at the time, Tim M broke a finger (badly, as it happens) when he came to the crease before he was bowled (for 14) by a superb out-swinger from Slicc skip Will.
Despite new signing Tariq scoring 31 and Shahbaz 44, we were falling slowly behind the rate.
At 156 for eight and needing eight or so an over, surely it was all over.
Enter Ali and Faisal.
The two sharpshooters simply blasted their way out of trouble.
At first, Slicc probably thought it was just a futile flurry before the inevitable.
I know we did.
But the deadly duo just kept swinging - making fours out of good balls and the odd six out of bad ones.
When Faisal eventually fell for 36 and with 20-odd still needed with just one wicket to go, Slicc must have thought it was in the bag.
But Ali promptly smashed 12 in three balls.
Big Dan had to face with only an handful needed.
Was he fazed? Was he hell as like.
His long reach hit a single and then a couple.
One needed for victory.
And so to that final umpire's decision.
A wide to savour in the long cold winter's nights to come!
Extra of the season - it's in the bag.
News update: Abid wasn't very late. For once.

Masterclass by the Chairman can't save Cincers as short-staffed BK run out the winners

There'll be a time when we'll see the funny side.
Desperate for players, BK issued an impassioned plea for help - and we gave them Shahbaz and Ali.
And what do they do?
Only smash 93 between them to help BK to an improbable 243 for 5 off only 35.
As I say, we'll see the funny side of this one day. But not yet.
In reply, what we got was a masterly innings from Tim R.
'Pace' George, but this is probably destined to be the innings of the season.
Chanceless but up with the pace required.
A sort of Ian Bell-meets-Jonathan Trott performance - gritty, stubborn but fluent.
No-one else for Cincers even hit double figures until Majid late in the day scored 21.
We ended up 20-odd runs short because no-one else could support the Chairman.
George, opening with Tim, went early again.
Dee seemed to have a dinner date as he absently-mindedly swished across the line and was LB.
Tom? Tom was run out.
He wasn't happy but this report is happy to let him tell you why.
As for our performance in the field, it was so/so.
Better than against Colfes (could it have been worse?)but not great.
It was our first time at Charlton Park and the vagaries of a short boundary on one side took some getting used to.
Naveed was the pick of the bowlers with 2 for 38 off seven though Chris P was economical at 0 for 20 off six.
The rest of us did our duty. And got thumped.
Oh and Abid was late again.
But that's hardly news.

From the sublime to the ridiculous - or how Cincers fell to earth (as did all the catches)

It was the morning after the night before.
Cincers rolled up to new opponents Colfes flushed with the confidence from our extraordinary victory against Camel.
Chests out, heads high, we took the field on a day which began wet but blossomed into a lovely afternoon.
And we dropped virtually every catch going.
Not three or four. Probably nearer 20 as, God-like, we handed out life after life to a Colfeian batter.
Given we'd hit over 280 off 35, we weren't over-punished.
Old Colfeians took us for 182 for six off 35.
But in truth, they shouldn't have been anywhere near there.
Abid - who rolled up a customary 45 minutes or so late - was the top wicket-taker, th fanks to two stunning long-on catches by Chris P.
But everyone else didn't see a red ball coming towards them - they saw what looked like a plump pod of peas and promptly shelled it.
A curate's egg of a reply came from Cincers.
Tim R top-scored on 61 but there were simply not enough partnerships.
George, our hero from the week before, flourished with a four and then got an absolute grubber with his name engraved on it as it took off stump.
Running between the wickets was not our strength.
Five run-outs (surely a record for a Cincers' innings) testified to that.
A word, though, for our debutant - Harry.
He showed his potential with a fine 38 before he was....run out.
Simon M also chipped with 24.
We ended up 24 runs shy on 158 all out.
Not a performance to savour.
But thanks to our new opponents Old Colfeians for their fine hospitality!

By George! New signing smashes club batting record as Cincers crush shell-shocked Camel

'I can't bowl but I can bat....a bit.'
So said George with a shrug of the shoulders when asked whether he played cricket.
He should have added he was a master of understatement.
And not a bad imitator of Kevin Pietersen as well.
Cincinnati's new summer signing almost single-handedly crushed Camel at Greenwich Park.
His 173 - in a 35-over innings - was a New Year's fireworks of an innings.
Five sixes, 24 fours - boundaries to the right of them, boundaries to the left of them.
Camel weren't so much beaten as bewildered and then swept aside by opener George's extraordinary firepower which rarely veered from pure timing into brute force.
Churlish to note that he gave a few chances such was the grace of his strokeplay.
Is there space to mention anyone else in the batting line-up?
Yes. Tom, as George's opening partner, notched up a fine 51 to give Cincers' an impressive opening stand of over 100.
And after Tom was stumped, and another new signing - Kingsley - gave George further support.
There was only one cloud on George's day.
He was bowled on virtually the last ball of the innings.
Cincers finished on an phenomenal 282 for 5 off 35.
Camel has batted well in the past against us and skipper Guy started with purpose.
But sadly for them, no-one else really did. After Guy's 35, the next (apart from extras) was seven as Cincers ran through them like a dose of salts.
Majid and James made the early in-roads before Richard accounted for Guy LBW.
The Skipper cleaned up the tail with a three-for.
The total? Well, only 65.
A 217 run triumph.
Thanks, George.

Bad day at the office as OWs carpet off-form Cincers

Some match reports are best kept brief.
And this is one of them.
After pulling off a surprise victory a couple of years ago v OWs, we were always due for a revenge defeat.
And so it proved last month (May 19).
On a lightening quick outfield, the powerful OWs batting line-up whalloped us for 199 for 4 off 35 with few of the bowlers - Abid apart - coming up trumps.
In a wily old spell, Abid went for just 13 off 7 (with one wicket).
Zeeshan, a late call-up and making his second appearance for Cincers, also did well with some pacey opening stuff.
But a veil shall be drawn over much of the rest - including one who went for over 10 an over!
We were poor - and bad-tempered - in the field, and got what we deserved.
The reply?
We were rarely up with the rate but a star was born in the batting of debutant George A.
Opening up, George combined a very straight bat with some sumptious shots - none more so than the glorious pull-drive six over mid-on off a ball that was almost a good length.
OWs are a decent bowling attack and one of George's top-of-the-bounce check drives through cover was top drawer.
Sadly, he went for 33 (caught strangled down the leg-side).
Did I mention Dee's 'made my mind up before he bowled' shot?
The pre-emptive swipe turned out to have little to do with the ball and he was gone for a solitary single.
A fine half-century from Tim M (52) and Abid (26) kept OWs in the field though we were always off the pace.
Oh and there were gentle pleas from the watching Cincers, in a voice that sounded remarkably like Majid's - that Abid could have got 'more of a move on'.
Anyhow, we finished well of the pace at 153 for 7 off 35.
Cincers' Man of the Match: Abid for his miserly spell (bowling - not his batting!)

Forget 'Test Match' - it's Tim the '20/20' all-rounder as Cincers best BK in season's first win

Cincers made short work of old enemy BK thanks to a peerless all-round effort from Tim R.
The club chairman belied his 'Test Match' nickname and put BK to the sword in a quick-fire innings which won the game.
That was after he turned in a 4 for 23 spell to bring the oppo's innings to a rapid close.
After winning the toss and sticking themselves in, BK made steady progress till Chris P - in his new first-change slot - shook them up.
His 3 for 20 off 8 (40 over game, this) kept our old rivals right under the cosh.
Add some steady spin from Richard and an unusual bit of tight death bowling from the Skip (that's me), and BK got no further than 170 all out with one ball to spare of their allotted overs.
Enter a new opening combination of Tim and 'Daredevil' Dee who put on a brisk opening partnership that set us on the road to victory.
Where's there's a Cincers' innings, there's a hiccup.
And Dee duly provided that by belting down the track from the non-striker's end for a run that never was and being run out by a country mile.
Still, he had notched a rapid 33.
Tim continued on his merry way.
He knocked the stuffing out of BK by blocking the good balls but ruthlessly despatching the others to the boundary.
In other words, he played each delivery on its merits.
Apparently, it's in the coaching manuals.
As a result, we were always up with or over the rate.
When Test Match, sorry, Tonking Tim went for a fine 65, Simon M took over the reins before Tim M saw us safely over the line with four overs to spare.
There are other highlights but as this is being written weeks after the match (sorry), I can't remember them.
Was there something about a dropped catch off Richard H?
He'll tell us!
* Cincers' Man of the Match: Tim R.

Cincinnati - The Movie: 'Four cricket grounds and a car crash' (on the field of play, that is)

Above: Simon tries to show off with his textbook delivery stride but lets himself down with the non-regulation dark trim on the pocket. Tut tut!

At 2pm on Sunday (April 28) it was curses all round.
Our pitch was double-booked.
By 7pm, we were cursing that we'd found another one ...after getting royally thumped in the process.
Ah, the hallowed tradition of the Cincers season's curtain-raiser - chaos on and off the pitch, biting cold winds and clouds as low as the brim of the Skipper's pointlessly optimistic sun hat.
It was miracle the game ever happened at all.
Old Fallopians (there's an in-joke to the name), in theory our hosts for the day, pulled out on the Friday because their Parliament Hill ground was waterlogged.
But what a relief - Barnes Common near Richmond was available, so it was game back on.
Until we arrived there and discovered the pitch was already being used, by Barnes Common CC of all people.
Much milling around ensued during which Dee bailed out, saying he'd been offered a game by his son in Windsor (presumably with Her Majesty buttering the scones for tea).
But after two failed attempts to find an alternative wicket, we got one at a nearby sports centre.
The goose droppings on the outfield were a bit off-putting but it was otherwise perfectly playable.
A reduced 25-over game was agreed and the Skip (that's me) promptly kept up with hallowed tradition by losing the toss.
OF's captain Will opted to bat first.
It would be kindest to draw a veil over what followed.
Most of the bowlers (me included) would prefer that.
Let's just say that only new signing Simon Murphy and Richard H hit their straps.
Simon's 1 for 18 off 5 of nippy medium-pacers was the bowling performance of the day though Richard ('can I say something?') was unlucky not to bag a wicket.
But then, as Dee had legged it, Abid and Majid were our joint substitute keepers and struggled on the stumping chances.
In the field, we were poor - three catches spilled and the odd howler on the boundary.
A total of 200 for 2 off 25 was always a tough ask - especially as we were not overladen with batting and we needed eight an over.
Test Match (Tim R) opened up with the Skip (me again) with the idea of setting a base and storming to the summit.
We started OK with Tim whacking one six and the Skip getting off strike as soon as he could.
When he went (stumped_, in came Simon M.
(It should have been Abid but he couldn't find one of his pads. 'Who's taken one of my pads?' he asked a passing goose.)
Simon has looked good in the nets but in the middle, he was better than that.
Some crisp shots from the two batsmen produced murmurs of concern from OF's.
Then disaster.
Simon, clipping one wide of cover, called the single when he'd have been better shouting 'Waiting!'
Test Match was run out (by a country mile) to jubilation from our opponents.
Enter Abid, apparently having eased Tim's pain as he passed him by telling him that there was a run there!
Simon was distraught at the run-out but there's nothing like being yelled at by Abid to 'get a move on' to take your mind off a clanger.
But after some cultured shots, Simon skied one to point and departed for 20-odd.
Striding to the crease at number five was Alex 'Wowsher' Westie, all biceps and burly bravado.
Was this, big-hitting Westie and wily Abid, the combination to put Cincers right back on track?
Er, sadly not.
They started well but it rapidly became clear that there was nothing civil about this partnership.
One man's cries of 'hurry up, Westie!' were answered by yells of 'Shut up Abid!'
But that was mild compared to Alex's 'what the...!' reaction when he was triggered LB by Richard umpiring.
Kiwi Dan P, our second debutant of the day, then arrived to join Abid.
It was a brief partnership as Abid, trying to get a move on, was bowled round his legs by one of OF's sharper bowlers.
(Incidentally, our opponents had sportingly kept their quickest guys back till later given their huge score).
'Magic' Majid, with his bat borrowed from a Pakistani Test player (forgotten his name) then reminded the Skipper (me again) that he should have been up the order.
He played a couple of majestic shots to give Cincers' score a healthier look.
In between, Dan played a very fine back-foot drive to the point boundary only to see the ball pulled up just before the rope.
The pair were going well until a run-out intervened.
Racing the danger end for a debatable second, Dan was undone by a direct hit from the outfield.
New Zealand gent that he is, there was no backward glare at Majid for calling him for a dodgy second. The two were still on speaking terms after stumps.
But if that was a silly call, the next run-out was positively suicidal.
Majid was short of his ground by about six feet.
It was his own call so presumably he hasn't spoken to himself since.
That left the two heroes of Finchley 2012 at the crease - Chris H with his trademark old-style cricket cap and battling Chris P.
No repeat, though, of their daring deeds of last September.
Chris H departed, leaving Richard H as our last man (we were down one because of Dee's departure).
OF's fielders had much enjoyed Richard giving Alex some batting advice earlier from his umpire's position.
So there was much anticipation as the off-spinner took guard.
He glanced carefully round to assess the field and then readied himself.
With a meaningful stare, the bowler began his run-up before exploding into the delivery stride.
Across the river, a cormorant...OK, sorry, I'm stringing this out because Richard's innings only lasted one ball.
He got castled by an in-swinging yorker with one stump left pegged back in splendid isolation.
138 all out and game over.
Lessons learnt? In a desperate run-chase, pack the top order with whatever big hitters are available.
Oh and get that Pakistani Test cricketer mate of Majid's to play for us.
And keep on the phone to Dee because, as it happened, he didn't get a game with his son's team and so was available to play for us.
* A big thank you to Old Fallopians for being fine opponents and giving us a superb 'curry feast' of a tea.
And thanks also to Barnaby, Chris H's son, for fielding for us on a chilly afternoon.

Duel in the setting sun ends in last-over victory at Finchley as Chris P & H hold their nerve

Not much riding on it, lads.
Two overs to go, Finchley's fast bowlers steaming in and the sun seemingly setting on Cincers' chances of a winning season yesterday.
Six games won, six lost and it came down to the last 12 balls of 2012.
And the last two wickets.
Chris P and Chris Hope at the crease, the run-rate suddenly soaring to seven an over and the next man in - the Skip - nipping nervously in and out of the loo.
'I think this has slipped away,' sighed one distinctive Antipodean voice from the pavilion.
The day started remarkably well.
Nearly everyone was on time. Sort of.
Abid, of course, had seen through the ruse of pretending it was a 12 noon start and rolled up with Majid and new signing Ali at nearer to 1pm.
It was to be a family affair with Dee and his son Gaurav playing for us and Dee's other Saj skippering the home side.
Oh, and Dee's nephew Krisa batted two for Finchley.
As far as we know, no-one else on either side was a member of the Hingorani tribe but you may know better.
Finchley, fielding their strongest side yet for a Sunday game v Cincers, batted first.
They were unpleasantly surprised by the pace and accuracy of Ali who began with a maiden and ended up giving just six runs off four overs.
At the other end, Chris P was also tight.
He struck first, thanks to a sharp catch by Majid at mid-off.
Not long after, Majid himself struck without bowling a ball.
He ran out Finchley's dangerous number three with a direct hit, thrown under-arm.
When Chris P struck again, courtesy of a catch square of the wicket by Gaurav, Finchley were rocking at 21 for 3 off about 10 overs.
Enter Saj.
He and Krisa started to right the innings, with Saj in particular striking some meaty blows.
Just for the fun of it (well, he was asked to), the Skip brought Gaurav on to bowl.
So it was younger brother bowling at older brother with father keeping wicket.
It was all set up....for Gaurav to miss a dead-cert run-out.
Saj, in full IPL mode, had charged down the wicket from the non-striker's end.
He got sent back but was so far out, he needed a bus ride to get back in.
But the thrill of wrecking his brother's day (and winning some complex inter-Hingorani family bet not authorised by the Gaming Board) got to Gaurav.
He threw miles wide when he could walked up to the stumps, had a cup of tea and then taken the bails off.
That wasn't the end of it.
Not long afterwards, with Saj still grinning at his let-off, he edged one off Gaurav to the keeper.
Dee, as sharp a reflex-catcher as Cincers has had all season, could only tip it away with his finger tips.
'It's because he loves Saj more than Gaurav,' came the cruel quip from one of Finchley's umpires.
Should we add that Gaurav also put Saj down at point? No, that would be rubbing it in.
With the innings at 70 and the run-rate increasing, Krisa holed out off Majid to Chris P at mid-off.
Five runs later, another wicket fell - with Chris P again the catcher hareing in from mid-on to give Gaurav his first of the day.
Saj, though, was powering on.
And he was joined by Finchley's usual opener, Jilesh, a compact left-hander with a bit of a Sangakarra-esque look to him.
Well, the Skip would say that because he got him out.
Coming on after the drinks' break, he floated one up (what else does he do?) only for the batsmen to miscue round the corner where Chris Hope took a good catch.
There was better to come.
In his second over, the Skip was charged by Saj, done by flight, guile and vicious turn (we can tell who writes this rubbish) and smartly stumped by Dee.
When FInchley's big-hitting 'G' nicked one off Gaurav to Dee, Finchley were well and truly tottering at 114 for 8.
It should have been nine down shortly after.
With both batsmen at the wrong end and the Skip bellowing 'bowler's!', a run-out looked certain.
Dee got the ball up the other end. Not the best throw he's ever made but it should have been safely gathered by the Captain and the bails taken off.
Er..instead, it rolled harmlessly through his legs.
How the game restarted after that Keystone Cops' climax, God only knows.
But the farce took the edge of Cincers' game and the match drifted.
The Skip got carted for a few too many boundaries.
He and Abid started having a domestic, culminating in Abid at short-cover downing a sharp chance and compounding the error by telling the bowler 'I almost got you a catch'.
Almost. A word which gives so much meaning. But not a wicket.
Finchley were putting on the runs.
It took Frank at one end and Abid, after virtually threatening legal action if he didn't get a bowl, to finish of the innings from the other end.
Finchley closed with 4.2 of their allotted 40 overs unused.
But 163 was a tall ask.
It got even taller when we saw the quality of their bowling.
Majid's unfamiliarity with Finchley's electronic scoreboard meant that our run-rate to begin with looked astronomical - 1 for 0 off 0 balls.
As soon as he'd reset it, reality hit back with a vengeance.
Test Match was bowled for a duck.
He had been a reluctant opener on the day.
'I've had two hours' sleep because of the baby. Oh, and I can't see much out of my right eye,' he told the Skip.
'Join the club,' the Captain muttered softly.
Gaurav and Ali, though, started brightly.
We were well ahead of the run-rate.
After a very harem-scarem shots from Ali, the Skip was about to ask Take the Pin Out (sadly injured but umpiring for us) to tell him to calm down.
Too late. Next ball, Ali skied one and departed.
Moyners was next in, not before a few nervous 'have they any quickies' queries before he trotted out.
They did.
Shortly after he arrived, Finchley put on Dinesh...probably the quickest bowler we've faced all season.
From the sidelines, the Skip quietly reflected on the wisdom of batting himself at 11.
That said, the Gaurav/Moyners' partnership prospered.
Gaurav in particular played some sumptuous drives through cover and mid-off.
It was all going so well until Dinesh jagged one back in sharply...so sharply, he cracked one of the stumps.
Gaurav was gone but for a well-played 40.
Next in was Frank, hustling out with that familiar hunched look, sniffing the air and relishing the scrap.
And a scrap it was.
To our horror, he almost holed out before being dropped by G.
Saj's legspin (similar to our Skipper's but quicker and with the added ingredient of some actual spin) had Prenesti baffled.
Coach, coach yourself!
It was offspin, though, that did for him - a flat, sharply-turning delivery from Finchley's Will that pitched outside off and took the Aussie's leg stump.
He and Moyners had put on 40-odd at a decent lick.
But at 90 for four, we still need 74 to win.
Abid arrived but then departed for 0, bowled trying to tickle a right-arm round-the-wicket spinner down to fine leg.
Majid started as he finished last week's game - by whacking two fours square.
When Finchley responded by putting a man back on the boundary, Majid took due notice and then hit it straight to him.
That was his first humiliation. His second was being told by Abid and Ali, in Urdu, what a stupid shot it was.
Now it was our turn to totter. Not much over a 100 on the board and six down.
But as I said, this was a family affair.
Out came Dee to steady the ship and, in partnership with Moyners, get the show back on the road.
Some lovely late-cuts from Hingorani Senior, combined with trade-mark, middle-of-the-bat boundaries from Tim M, led to a few Finchley heads drooping.
History, well, the scorebook, doesn't record who was out next but let's assume it was Dee.
'It was the first straight one he'd bowled,' said Dee...which is presumably why he missed it. (Nets resume in October, folks).
As he strode out, Chris P, batting at nine, had all the confidence and bravura of a man going to the gallows.
And when Moyners went for a quick single (yes, that's right) to one of Finchley's best fielders (G), it looked all over.
A direct hit sent the batsman on his way for a fine 44 but seemingly not enough on the day.
Chris Hope, playing his second game for Cincers, was in at 10.
Busy running between the two Chris's seemed to calm Cincers' frayed nerves but slowly, slowly, the run rate started to climb.
A bead of sweat rolled down the Captain's brow as he fiddled with his bat and contemplated going in.
And so it all came down to those two overs.
Fourteen runs needed. Just two wickets left.
Too much with G back on at one end, surely.
Surely not!
With a swish, Chris H, batting in a bumble-patterned cap,hit a priceless four.
Chris P, who until then had dealt in singles, struck a three.
Another three came from Chris H.
Cincers on the side were going wild.
With Frank giving the Skip a bear-hug to calm his nerves, a huge cheer rang out when Chris P hit the single that drew the scores level.
So 14 off two became one off six.
Last over of the season and Finchley were forced to bring every man in.
The scene now truly was set - set for a swash-buckling end to the 2012 season.
No nervous jab from Chris P to finish it.
No, a might heave to mid-on, a boundary to bring victory and the curtain down.
And presumably to bring down those gallows he'd been expecting when he walked out!
A great finish and a great game.
Many thanks to Finchley for being fine hosts as ever and to Paddy for a great tea.
And many, many thanks to all Cincers for another great season.
Final result: played 13, won 7, lost 6.

It's Majid the Magnifico under the hot Clapton sun but 'five-man' Cincers just can't tether the Camels

A blistering innings from Majid kept Cincers in the game yesterday.
Under the burning Clapton sun, the pace bowler turned middle-order maestro to smash 71 in rapid time.
Backed up by a late flurry from Dee and with even the Skip hitting a four off the innings's penultimate ball, Cincers posted a formidable 158 for 9 off the allotted 30.
But it was not enough.
Down to just three team regulars and with the game only proceeding thanks to opponents Camel pooling their players with ours, Cincers were short of front-line bowlers.
The Camels crossed the line with an over to spare, with their skipper Guy hitting a fine undefeated half-century.
Millfields at Clapton offered no changing facilties, no toilets and even a problem with parking.
What it did provide was a cracking wicket and close-cropped, lightening outfield.
We had only three regulars - Dee, Majid and the Skip - with Abdullah playing only his second.
Newcomer Neil was playing his first....er, game of cricket, that is!
Camel generously shared some of their players with ours to make it a match, a sort of seven v eight, with dismissed batsmen allowed to come back in until 10 wickets were down.
Under the baking sun of what was one of the hottest days in London this summer, the Skip won the toss and put us in.
We started slowly but then lost two wickets.
The Skip was going well until he smashed a full toss back over the bowler's head - and watched in astonishment as it stopped going over the bowler's head and into his out-stretched arm.
The bowler - Camel's Jason (he of the right/left batting style of an earlier game) - was mobbed by his team-mates.
To make matters worse for the Captain, he couldn't even walk off.
Because of the shortage of players, he had to start umpiring immediately.
But Camel's Matt - batting for us - kept his head down and began to build the crucial partnership of the innings with Majid.
The paceman whacked 11 fours and one five after a run-out attempt went for over-throws.
Matt may only have scored 15 but he stayed with Majid while the other man cut loose.
Dee - on his second go at the crease - made a quick 12 while the Skip (also second-time round) took 9 off the last three balls.
A score of 158 off 30 would take some getting.
But with a great pitch and fast outfield, Camels were always in with a chance.
They showed their intent with a series of snatched one's and two's (er..Cincers still doesn't do this enough) even though Majid and Abdullah started well as Cincers' opening duo.
But the Camel batsmen were up with the rate and no wicket down....until a mix-up mid-wicket by the batsmen.
A sharp throw by the Skip came in to the non-striker's end and Majid at the stumps took the bails off.
Camels' dangerman Jason clubbed a four off the Skip but then he holed out off Matt to Neil at mid-on.
The astonished fielder couldn't believe he'd taken the chance. Great effort.
At the other end, Majid took a fine catch at cow corner off the Skip but the leggie let himself down with were one or two too many boundaries.
That said, Camel's Skelly, fielding for Cincers, almost pulled off a stunning catch off the Skip at short cover before pouching a second, easier chance in the same position.
A quite extraordinary over-his-head catch at mid-wicket by Jason (fielding for us) gave Skelly a wicket.
But the Skip shelled a fiercely-driven shot that would have been a superb caught and bowled...had he taken it.
bdullah chipped in with a clean bowled but all the while, Camels' skipper Guy was pressing on.
At one point as pressure mounted, he eased it by powerfully hitting Majid back over his head to the long-on boundary.
We were running out of bowlers.
So off came Dee's keeping pads (given to Skelly) and he bowled two tight overs as good as any of the regulars.
It was Neil - the newcomer - who had the honour of bowling the last over with just a few needed to win.
Not great organising by the Skip but then under 26 degrees of sun, Lancastrians do get sunstroke.
Victory came off the final ball of Neil's maiden over - and I mean maiden - in cricket.
Well done to Neil on his first match.
Many thanks to Camels' Matt and Skelly for playing for us.
And thanks to Guy, James and all at Camels for allowing the game to go ahead.

A trip down memory lane for the Chairman but no cigar as Cincers stumble at final Tour hurdle

What! No sightscreens?
The Chairman's spiritual cricket home and not a white-washed,iron-wheeled sightscreen in sight for him to spend ages moving this way, that way....and back again.
No worries, as Frankie says - everything else at Totnes and Dartington CC's pitch was tip-top.
The cream tea scones, the warm welcome and the stunning rolling-countryside views were all first rate.
Only two things marred the day: the unforecast drizzle and...... our batting.
Winning the toss yet again, the Skip confidently put us in and expectations were high.
Test Match and Selfish started cautiously, with an eye to building a big score in the 40-over game.
Going at barely two an over against a tight Totnes attack, we'd reached 57 when Tim fell for 17.
Very soon after, Simon went for 35.
Gaurav, who had hit a confident cover-drive for two off his first ball, and Stephen H looked set to build a sizeable partnership.
But then both were bowled in quick succession, Frank came and went and so did Dee.
The Skip, due in at seven, postponed his arrival to promote bigger hitters such as Tom and Alex.
Sadly, there was to be no repeat of Alex's 20/20 heroics from Friday night apart from one lustily-struck four.
Tom tried in vain to work up a partnership with the Cincers' tale.
The Skip's shot against the sort of gentle spin he dishes up was an object-lesson....in what not to to with nine overs left.
He was bowled. 102 for 9.
Richard H prides himself on not being out but the last wicket partnership could only garner another five runs after Tom skied one. He was caught for 10.
Defending 107 over 40 overs against a clearly talented home side was always going to be what you'd call 'challenging'.
But thrown the new ball by the Skip (OK, on Frank's advice), Selfish delivered the goods - getting a couple of early wickets clean-bowled.
Gaurav went close from the other end but Totnes were always up with the rate.
Another three wickets fell - two more to Simon (to make him leading Tour wicket taker) and one to Tim testing the Dartington wicket with his offies for the first time in many a long year.
But Selfish even had a hand in his wicket, taking a superb diving catch at mid-on.
With not much more than 10 to win, the spinners came on - Richard from what we'll call the Cream Tea End (near the Pavilion) and the Skip from the Cow End.
The denouement came off the last ball of the 25th over - a flighted full toss from Richard which the opposition skip deposited for a square six into the waiting hedgerow to finish on 65 not out.
And with that, the curtain came down on the playing part of the 2012 Tour.
Many thanks to Totnes and Dartington for their fine hospitality.
Thank you to Dee for keeping over two days, taking a couple of fearful blows from sharp throws and for carting the Skipper's kit around.
Ta to Richard H for the tour pics.
And many thanks to the Chairman for organising the entire weekend. A superb job.
* Player of the Tour: S. Bevan - 82 runs and five wickets.
* Tour newcomer award: C. Payne 3 wickets (best spell - 2 for 9 off 7 v Lustleigh)
* Tour fielder award: S. Hall (for his match-winning catch v Lustleigh)
* Top score of the Tour: T. Ross (50 v Cavendish Cavaliers)
Other stats:
* A. West - top score of 39 (v Cavendish Cavaliers)
* R. Hadlow - four wickets (best - 2 for 18 off 4 v Cavendish Cavaliers)
* B. Carlin - two wickets (best - 2 for 3 off 4 v Cavendish Cavaliers)
* F. Prenesti - two wickets (best of 1 for 28 off 7 v Cincers playing for Lustleigh)
* S. Hall - 78 runs (best of 49 v Lustleigh) One wicket.
* T. Lowe - 33 runs (best of 21 v Cavendish Cavaliers). One wicket.
* T. Ross - 79 runs. Two wickets.
* D. Hingorani (keeper). Two catches, one stumping and one run-out.
* G. Hingorani three wickets (best - 2 for six off two v Cavendish Cavaliers) 20 runs.
OUR PICTURE: 'You hit 'em, I'll catch 'em'. Tom and Westie appear to be discussing tactics for their final Totnes night-out

'Cool Hand Hall' to the rescue at deep long-off as Cincers snatch late victory at Lustleigh

Two catches from Stephen H - one a stunning virtuoso effort by the boundary rope - turned the tide for Cincers on Saturday.
Day Two of the Devon tour was looking decidedly dicey with four overs to go.
Hosts Lustleigh needed just over 30 to win off four overs but with wickets to spare.
Take the Pin Out (AKA Richard) was running - or should that be 'trundling'? - in to bowl.
The game had reached its climax.
Lustleigh skipper Mike, on 46, tensed and then launched TTPO to longish mid-off.
'Hallers' pouched it, no problem.
The batsmen had crossed, bringing Gaurav - treacherously batting for the oppo as they were men short - on strike.
With a stride or two, he met a classic Hadlow 'grenade ball' full in the middle of the bat and stroked it imperiously for a straight six to long-off.
Or so he thought.
At the last moment, Stephen H moved and plucked the ball out of the air before pulling himself up inches from the rope.
Was it as good as his Entrecasteaux effort of last year? No. But it was a damn close-run thing.
And with that, barring the odd drama and slogged boundary, the game was in the bag.
The venue yesterday, Lustleigh on the edge of Dartmoor, was surely one of the most beautiful grounds we've ever played in.
It was a classic picture-postcard, village pitch, tucked away down a steep track, bordered by streams and lush, over-hanging trees.
'If it hits anything on a tree, it's a six,' said Lustleigh's Mike.
Our skipper took him at his word and got clouted for a square six when he was bowling.
Once again, just like Friday, the Captain was prevailed upon to bat first after the oppo said they were weak in the batting department.
They were also several men short so we lent them Frank (who loves nothing better than to play against his own side) and more controversially, Gaurav.
'Are you sure about Gaurav?' asked the Chairman.
He was right to be nervous.
Not long afterwards, Gaurav took the catch at shortish mid-on that ended the Chairman's innings.
Tom followed shortly afterwards, caught by Cincers' Chris (we'd also lent them two other fielders to make up for late-comers).
To rub it in, the bowler was Frank.
But then Selfish and Stephen H prospered, although the sticky, bounceless, rain-affected pitch was never easy.
We were going at about four an over and looking to accelerate when Selfish perished for 47.
With JP still feeling his way back in after his enforced summer lay-off, that left Hallers as our main weapon.
But on 49, he went too, stumped as he went for consecutive boundaries.
Thereafter, we fell away a bit to finish on 134 for 9.
In the field, though, Lustleigh were pegged back.
Thanks to very tight bowling from Chris and Stephen, they were going at less than two an over.
It was all going swimmingly until Hallers went and got a wicket.
Enter Frank, batting so high up the order he should have had a nose-bleed.
Bustling with Aussie energy, he soon carved a boundary (Lustleigh's first) and scampered a few quick singles.
Facing Hallers, the team coach was clearly determined to show us what to play at and what not, with one particularly finely-judged leave outside off.
But against Chris the following over, he left one too many.
His off stump was knocked back to wild jubilation from Cincers.
A few balls later, Chris struck again - another clean-bowled in a highly impressive spell.
Lustleigh were well and truly pegged back, with Cincers' modest total looking a tall order.
The Skip, replacing Chris, began well by bowling a maiden.
But afterwards, he lost his line and length, with his remaining four overs going for 37 no less.
How long has he spent in the winter nets?
Test Match, restored to full bowling position, kept us in, though.
He went for barely two an over.
The Skip, meanwhile, withdrew to lick his wounds and called on Selfish to dry up the runs.
He promptly removed one of Lustleigh's main batsmen.
Fielding at square leg, Take the Pin Out courageously dived and went down with a fearful thump.
He saved a boundary but at a price...he did his shoulder a mischief.
Thankfully, he was able to come on to replace Test Match.
So the scene was set for 'caught S. Hall bowled R. Hadlow' combination to bring the curtain down on a great match.
Many thanks to Lustleigh for a wonderful game, venue and delicious cream tea.
* PICTURE CAPTION: Exit stage left the Vice-Skip after a controversial run-out...enter stage left Dee.
ENDS

'Tonking' Tim leads Cincers to opening tour victory - but where were the sixes? asks latecomer Selfish

Forget Test Match and say hello to 'Tonking Tim Ross!'
The Chairman (quick-fire 50) declared the Cincers 2012 Devon tour by leading us to a storming 20/20 victory
Aided by Westie (39) and Tom (21), Tim put Torquay's Cavendish Cavaliers to the sword with an impressive 142 total.
In reply,  Cavaliers put up a brave but doomed fight.
In the gathering gloom (well, pitch-black night really) they  could only muster 40 all out - 'just one more than I scored', said Westie.
Winning the toss on a rain-affected pitch,  the Skip had a brainstorm and for once put us in. 
It was a slow, steady start by Test Match and Tom ('do they realise this is a 20/20?' muttered Frankie fielding for the oppo).
The pace quickened after the Skip used all his technical know-how and said: 'Can you hurry up, please?'
Eight off the fourth over, 11 off the fifth and Cincers were up and running.
No mean feat on a sticky, damp wicket.
Tom departed for 21 after announcing he was 'going for it', Test Match - AKA The Chairman - pressed on, hitting 13 in one over.
At the other end,  Mr West was getting into his stride - so much so that the departure of Tim on 50 was no set-back.
Westie was sending the ball so high into the sky there was a momentary panic when a Lancaster bomber (booked not by the Skip but for the Dartmouth regatta) flew low and straight over the wicket.
'Pirates at 5pm,' crackled the RAF radio as they spotted the Skip umpiring.  
Add in a few cultured drives from Stephen H and Cincers passed 140.
All very well, asked Bevan arriving this morning, 'but where were the sixes?' asked Selfish.
Dusk was already falling as Cavaliers - who confessed they were probably the worst team in Devon - began their reply.
They were soon struggling, with Gaurav and Chris P together taking 3 early wickets.
With four overs gone,  the Skip brought himself on and made an astonishing discovery...his flighted leggies work much better in the dark!
(Frank, you're sacked as coach. I'm just bowling at night-time in future).
Cavaliers gamely fought on but with both Take the Pin Out and the Skip taking a couple of wickets each, the match was surely over.
Even Tom went for only a handful of runs (and bagged a wicket). 
As an owl tweeted from a nearby branch, the last rites were read with Frankie nipping out the penultimate batsman and the Chairman taking the final wicket.
As the moon rose over Torquay, a plaintive Devonian cry cut the cool night air:
'Worst team in London my arse!' (which was how The Chairman cunningly described us to get the fixture in the first place).
PS Many thanks to Cavaliers for giving us the game and best of luck for the rest of the season.
PICTURE CAPTION: Fine body of men - Cincers line-up for the opening tour game in Torquay.
ENDS

Camels pull up lame after Cincers put on a spotless performance...with a seamless ball

First, Majid was on time for once.
Then Abid started running two's.
And finally, Tom batted sensibly (almost).
With such a trio of unprecedented events, what could possibly go wrong for Cincers?
Very little, as  Camel Cricket Club found.
Our new opponents (their name comes from their local pub in Bethnal Green) crawled to just 106 all off 32.1 overs.
Tight Cincers' bowling, led by Majid and Chris P, pegged them back before new boy Prudhi (3 wickets), the Skip (2) and Naveed (2) hoovered up the wickets.
Tom took a sharp chance at straightest mid-wicket off one of the Skip's looser (ahem..!) deliveries while Chris snaffled one at cow corner off Richard.
A six for sure if he hadn't caught it.
The innings was prolonged if not in overs then in time when Camel's Jason decided to switch round to playing as a leftie and then decided he had to replace his pads.
Much muttering from us but as he then proceeded to score hardly any runs as a left-hander, why complain? (he had whacked the Skip for a most unsporting right-handed six).
In reply,  Cincers knocked off the runs with nearly nine overs to spare and for just 3 wickets down.
Tom was the star of the show, careful accumulating ('You feeling OK, Tom?' asked the Skip) on his way to 26.
Whereupon, he holed out trying to hit the winning runs with a boundary.
Was he out to a legside swipe to mid-wicket? Yes he was!
Before that, Abid and Majid opening up broke the back of Camel's resistance, with Majid in particular plundering the boundaries.
He went for 22, Abid for 11 (but including a couple of "all-run" two's) and Moyners finished on 24 not out.
A minor ball controversy coloured the game.
It was a heavily lacquered job with no noticeable seam, the like of which we may never see again.
We hope.
But many thanks to Camel for a great game and see you again on September 9.
PS: This game was played on Sunday, August 12, Sorry for late posting.
ENDS

Cincers take revenge on Actors as sun finally shines...but who ate all the coffee cake?

Test Match Tim hit form today to steer Cincers home against the formidable Actors bowling attack.
He and new recruit Gaurav - son of Dee -  put on an undefeated stand of 80 to take us past the oppo's total of 124.
Ten of the allotted 35 overs were unused  as Cincers seemingly coasted to victory.
But the result  - revenge on our heavy defeat at the hands of Actors last month -  was no walk in the park.
Firstly, the Skip did what he always does at the start of a game....lost the toss.
It was relief when Actors did what we wanted them to do - opted to bat first.
As ever,  several Cincers were late.
Majid, Farhan and Kamran arrived 45 minutes after the scheduled start, apparently thanks to an emergency stop at Carphone Warehouse on the way over.
By the time they finally rolled up, we were well under the cosh.
Alex W - thrown the new ball by the Skip in a cunning ploy to stop him moaning about not getting a bowl - was wild.
Or should that be 'wide'?
The big man was spraying it all over the show, leaving keeper Dee not sure which wicket we were supposed to be playing on.
The champagne moment came when he fired one down between first and second slip, and then berated them for 'just standing there' and not stopping the resulting four wides.
He was immediately dubbed 'Mr Angry' by the highly-amused opposition watching from under the trees.
Fortunately, Gaurav, opening at the other end, was a model of accuracy and good lines.
The batsmen played and missed, depriving the new recruit of a wicket.
Gaurav went, though, for just seven runs off four overs.
Eventually, Mr Angry at the other end hit the jackpot - a fast, straight ball that castled oppo opener J. Flood all ends up.
The Shock of The New, they call in the art world.
A ball on the stumps, we called it.
Mr Flood departed in a state of dazed surprise.
Sadly, the wides virus also affected Richard de Q's normally niggardly line.
Our generosity meant Actors were rattling along at over five an over after the first 10.
Richard hit back with a stunning caught and bowled which put paid to Actors' other free-scoring opener.
Charlie Barker came on at the tennis-court end Alex had operated from but he immediately hit a good length and line.
He was clobbered in his second over for two boundaries but  responded by clean-bowling Actors' number three.
A key moment came in the final over of his spell of seven.
First ball,  Actors' talented Kiwi batsman Simon put Charlie over the ropes for a superb six.
Three balls later, though, he was gone - bowled by a top-hole delivery which pitched leg and hit off.
Unplayable.
Presumably the Skip was inspired by his example.
Having first checked with Air Traffic Control, the purveyor of twirly leggies brought himself on at the allotments end and for once found a decent length straight up.
His first two overs went for a relatively scrooge-like nine.
With the first ball of his next,  the Captain made a breakthrough.
He bowled Actors number six who went back when he should have come forward.
The Skip's seven-over spell accounted for three more oppo batsmen  - two of them caught at mid-wicket by Alex W.
Majid, who arrived in a bright turquoise top that needed planning permission, was clearly upset he wasn't getting a share of the limelight.
So when he was finally thrown the ball, he took three in four balls in a triple-wicket maiden.
One of them was a spectacular caught-behind by Dee who threw himself across first slip (Test Match) to snaffle the chance.
It was left to the Skip to end the innings, taking the 11th wicket (12 aside-game so many people turned up) when Westie held one of his catches at mid-wicket.
Wayward as his bowling can be, Alex is establishing himself as one of Cincers' safest pair of hands in the field.
Pity he had blotted his copybook by escorting a clip through midwicket off Richard de Q over the boundary for four.
Actors finished on 124 - 16 of them wides out of 22 extras overall.
Tut, tut.
The 125 target off 35 was not, in theory, a mountain to claim, especially as at long last the sun was beating down on the venue at Ham near Richmond.
Cincers' batting this season, though, has been anything but summit-scaling.
Add to that Actors' bowling which is traditionally one of their strengths.
So it proved anything but easy.
Test Match opened with Biraj from BK who stepped in at short notice this morning when Tim M was ruled out by a domestic gas leak (all safely sorted, by the way).
 Actors' opening bowlers Jamie and J. Flood were on the money, pitching the ball up and getting lift, bounce and not a little swing.
Test Match and Biraj, though, picked off the few bad balls and the scoring rate was not a problem.
With the score on 21, Biraj perished - smacking the ball hard to shortish extra-cover where Jamie took a smart catch.
Enter Farhan at number three.
He was quickly into his stride, notching a couple of boundaries and looking in his pomp.
Actors were clearly scarred by Farhan's last appearance against them - a quick-fire 50-odd when he was batting at number 10 (hmmm...was that because he was late then as well...?)
Anyhow, Actors clearly remembered, muttering about how important it was to get rid of him as quickly as possible.
A snorter of a delivery from Actors' J. Flood  almost did the trick.
It pitched on off and reared away to first slip.
The very next ball did work the magic.
Pitched full and swinging late to leg,  it caught Farhan on his back foot, sparking a frenzied LBW.
It was given.
Cincers were on 45 with plenty of time and overs to go.
But a wobble was more than possible.
Actors, used to seeing Cincers collapse, sensed this could be their moment.
The sledging certainly increased as Gaurav joined Test Match in the middle.
Nervous edges came and went, as did appeals for LB.
There was one definite chance off Gaurav's bat that went down at first slip - to the fury of bowler Simon.
But all the time Test Match - not thus far this year in vintage form - was getting into his stride.
One sumptious extra-cover drive was just about the shot of the day.
Gaurav too was gaining in confidence, driving crisply and scoring freely.
In the end, the duo took us safely over the line.
Tim finished on 44 not out, Gaurav on 33 undefeated.
Thanks to Actors for a great game and for bringing the stumps, boundary markers and scoreboard.
Thanks to Dee for bringing the tea.
Thanks most of all to Mrs Hayles for the coffee cake!
Sadly, there was not enough to go round.
But sources very close to the Skipper say it was moist, creamy and quite, quite delicious.

Third defeat on the trot for Cincinnati as only straight-bat Frank leaves Whitstable unbeaten

This was a game that, given the weather, should never have happened.
By close of play, Cincers wish it hadn't.
Despite a deluge the day before and all the forecasts, the annual fixture against Whitstable Labour Club went ahead last Sunday.
We even turned up on time (well, mostly) at the pitch in Radfall.
Sadly,  the Skip's usual bad luck with the toss also turned up.
We had to bat first on a damp pitch and under overcast skies (just like last year).
Progress was, er, slow.
Test Match was bowled early, the Skip went first ball and when Dee was LB shortly afterwards, Cincers were 20-odd for 3 with nearly an hour gone.
Forgot to say, we play time-game rules in Whitstable.
Thankfully, due to the foul weather nearly everywhere else, Finchley's game was cancelled so Frank was in our ranks.
Together he and Moyners put together a key partnership.
Frankie particularly enjoyed his knock, pulling oppo skip Richard for a six into the brambles at midwicket and forcing us to search for the ball.
Abid's rarely moved so quickly after he found there were stinging nettles in among the brambles.
After we found the ball, Moyners, AKA Mixed Grill*, went for 15 (he walked amid chaotic appeals for a stumping after sportingly admitting he'd nicked it to the keeper).
Enter Roger Shorrock, one of our our resident Whitstable players, looking calm, resolute and determined to make his one game of the season a memorable one.
So it was for the oppo bowler.
Lancastrian Roger was skittled for the big 'O' (very fashionable total for natives of the Red Rose county as the Skip could testify).
Amid the drama, Frank pressed on, stealing the singles here and there, punishing the bad ball and passing his 50 (his first for Cincers?).
He was joined by Alex W who smote a mighty straight six before he was caught for 13.
Kamran was stumped for six but our Aussie coach ended unbeaten on a superb 73.
A total of 144 for 7 off 39 was not a bad effort in the gloom.
But with the sun coming out, it didn't appear not quite so hot.
Cincers bowled well to keep Whitstable in check, with Abid especially miserly at one end.
At the other, first Majid then Kamran went close but it was Dee who struck first.
Our keeper spotted the Whitstable opener was dawdling out of his crease and smartly threw down the stumps.
17 for one became 29 for 2 when oppo Richard, one of their best batsman,  chipped the ball to an alert  Alex W at extra cover off Abid
With Kamran bowling stubborn Whitstable opener Keith, we had them at 45 for 3.
Another wicket went when Frank, coming on to replace Abid, bowled their keeper Peter.
Our hopes rose.
But Whitstable's master-blaster J. Wicks (who also served up a very fine tea) held his cool.
Instead of his usual fireworks over cow corner, he began accumulating instead.
In partnership with their number six, he steered bit by bit towards the target.
Richard H's late introduction didn't fox him.
A late drama did ensue when Alex W, finally given an over by the Skip, sprayed a few about before trapping Mr Wicks plumb LB.
Four overs to do, 20 to win, five wickets...could there be one of those famous late Cincers v Whitstable late twists?
There could.
The Skip took Westie off (to bring Frank on), thereby provoking a furious response from the deposed paceman who looked caught between launching a High Court legal challenge and thumping the Skip.
Fortunately, he did neither (at the time of writing, that is).
But sadly for us,  the game was up.  Whitstable got the runs just before the scheduled close.
In other words, our third defeat on the run.
But many thanks to all at the Labour Club for another fine game, a splendid tea and the usual great hospitality.
* ROCKIE'S REVIEW (As told to the Skip): I'm often asked: 'Why is Tim M called Mixed Grill?'
Funnily enough, most people think it dates from his choice of dish on tour in Tenby a few years ago in an Indian restaurant.
While the rest of the team tucked into traditional, tonsil-removing hot curries (apart from the Skip who faints at the mere sight of chillies), Tim ordered the only English dish on the menu.....mixed grill.
Or so everyone remembers.
In fact, it was far more exotic. Little bits of fish in breadcrumbs with chunky chips, actually.
So technically,  when you call to Moyners in the field, you should all shout: 'Oi! Scampi!'

Hammering at Haydons Road as Cincinnati are humbled by sharp-swinging SLICC

And it all started so well.
After bungling out opponents SLICCfor just 130 nine overs short of the allotted 40, what could go wrong?
A superb spell of sharp inswing bowling, that's what.
Skittled, we were.
Blown away.
This is one batting card we won't want to see again..ever.
The top five read: 0, 0, 0, 0 and....0.
Number six, Majid, was the first man to trouble the scorers.
Only two Cincers got into double figures, with Chris P top-scoring on 13.
We had no answer to an inspired spell of fast-medium inswing from SLICC's Danny.
The Skip led the way, opening the batting with Test Match Tim (because no-one else would) and leaving one outside off.
Except it swept in to re-arrange his stumps.
At least the  next three batsmen - Farhan, Richard de Q and Alex W (his first appearance of the season) - played a shot.
Fat lot of good it did them, though. They were all bowled.
At the other end, facing SLICC's skipper Will, Test Match Tim was our big hope.
He looked ready to dig in, grind it out, edge towards victory......until he left a widish ball outside his off stump (all the best players do).
It pitched and seamed sharply back in. Clatter. Another 0.
Dee arrived at the crease looking determined to see off the savage inswingers at the other end.
So determined, he got everything he could in front of off stump.
And then looked back in utter amazement to see his wicket shattered by another pearler of a Danny delivery.
At one stage, Cincers were 2 for six.
Getting cocky (and why not?) our opponents dared to think the wickets column would outmatch the runs tally.
They reckoned without a minor rally from Chris Payne and debut player Chris Hope who plundered two late boundaries before nicking off.
A sad, sad total of 45 off 14.5 overs was our return for the day.
Before,  Cincers had done well (so we thought)  to keep SLICC down to just 130 on a breezy, showery day at Haydons Road, South Wimbledon.
Test Match led the way with a cracking spell off 4 for 3 off 6!
But Richard H also shone with  3 for 13 off 4 (one of them a rare 'hit wicket'..by the batsman, that is).
New boy Chris Hope opened his wicket account, courtesy of a nick from the batsman, an assist from keeper Dee and finally a diving catch from Test Match at first slip.
But Dee needed no help when he took a quite stunning one-handed catch off Chris P's bowling to get the opening wicket.
Later, the loss of the ball - thanks to a top-edged six by SLICC skipper Will off Kamran - sparked a nice row.
It disappeared into a locked-up tennis court and the proposed replacement - an odd-looking Kookaburra - sparked protests from Will.
'I wouldn't worry about it  - you'll be out soon,' said Alex sportingly.
He was right.
Will was bowled by Kamran and a promising start of 73 for 1 collapsed into 130 all out, with several of the oppo's lower-order batsmen being very obliging.
Pity SLICC's bowling didn't follow suit.
They did seem to be using a rather posh ball.
But no sour grapes, boys.
And many congrats to Danny for his 6 for 12 off 6, five of them bowled.
ROCKIE'S REVIEW (As told to the Skipper): If there's one thing worse than turning up late for a game, it's arriving on time.
If only Cincers had shown some sense here and rolled up late.
Better still, don't turn up at all when the bowling's this good.
It's bad manners, I know.
But not showing up for a match is sometimes the only way.
I should know. I've only turned up for one game so far this season.
And it's done wonders for my batting average.

Time gentlemen, please! Late late show costs Cincers dear in tense encounter with Actors

A heroic ninth wicket stand of 89- probably a club record, who knows! -  from Farhan and Richard H rescued Cincinnati from humiliation at Ham.
But it wasn't enough to save us from defeat....after nearly half the side rolled up hours late.
The no-show obliged the Skip to bat first on a wet, sticky wicket that was soon being used to maximum effect by Actors' seamers.
The ball darting around, we were soon hanging on for dear life at 18 for 4.
And still no sign of four batsmen.
There wasn't much sign of Tim M either - even though he arrived on time.
The changing rooms weren't yet open and 'Shelving' refused to change behind a tree, despite the Skip generously finding a trunk that was wide enough.
Even when he did arrive at the crease (at number six), he didn't last much longer than the rest of us.
At 38 for 8, the game surely was up.
But by then, reinforcements had arrived - Farhan included.
He joined Richard H, who was having a nosebleed batting at 9, and together they put on a heroic stand.
Well, Richard did the standing and Farhan did the heroic hitting.
Three sixes and six fours came off his blade before he holed out for an invaluable 56.
No other batsman made double figures.
Richard went a few balls Farhan before taking an age to score 9 but showed the rest of us how to hang on and put a partnership together.
A total of 117 off 33.1 was hardly a mountain for Actors to climb, especially as conditions were better for batting at the start of their innings.
But with Majid giving nothing away at one end, Chris P picked up two wickets - one courtesy of a blinder of a catch behind square by Richard de Q.
And with Actors seemingly recovering at 59 for 2,  Richard H winkled out a batsman, with Dee taking the stumping.
It quickly became 59 for 4 when new recruit offspinner Starbucks (not his real name though I don't know what that is) took a wicket.
Round about now came the big controversy of the match - a 'stumping' not given off Richard H.
The batsman - Mr Hurst - went on to be Actors' top score of 39 n/o but my, that was you call a close decision.
Kamran, another new recruit this season,  put in a superb spell of 2 for 2 off 6 overs and another new boy, Abdullah, also picked up a wicket.
But six wickets down was as much as we could get Actors before they passed our total with two overs to spare. Or was that two hours?
ROCKIE'S REVIEW (as told to the Captain):  Tick, tock, tick, tock went the old grandfather clock in Rock Hall.
It taught me one very valuable lesson, that clock  (well, apart from that fact that clocks make a noise).
In life and in cricket,  timing is everything.
Taking to the crease is just like catching a plane.
You wouldn't turn two hours at Heathrow for a flight, would you?
No, you wouldn't.
Turn up late and you've had it. It's gone.
At least with a plane, you can catch a later one (depending on your ticket).
But with batting, well, blink and you've missed it.
And I should know.

Tempers fray as Cincinnati snatches victory from the old enemy BK in tense final over thriller

Three to win with three balls left...
As ever, Cincers v BK went down-to-the-wire contest last Sunday.
Tim 'Mixed Grill' Moynihan was the star man for Cincers with a superb 64 not out.
But the winning blow - off a shoulder-high full toss - came from the bat of Dee.
Funny, that, because he'd was 'out' LBW an hour or so before..
The day - a fractious one by Cincers-BK standards - began with the oppo rolling up with only seven men.
In yet another blunder, the Skip gave them two of our 11 - Zain and Kamran.
They were supposed to be making their Cincers' debut.
In the end, they damn well nearly won it for BK.
The toss? Well, why do we bother with that? The Captain lost it yet again.
Opening up at our new home venue of Footscray Rugby Club, BK's start was painfully slow.
They barely crawled along at two an over.
Superb opening spells from Majid and Chris P  pegged the batsman right back on a slow, low wicket.
It took some lusty blows from BK number three Hassan to break the shackles a little.
After a tricky spell v Saints in the last game, it was business as usual for Richard H with a good, tight spell.
Farhan also chipped in with seven mean overs.
Even the Skip started frugally, getting rid of Hassan thanks to a superb stumping by Dee.
By this stage, though, BK were upping the ante with 'traitors' Zain and especially Kamran opening their shoulders.
Kamran hit the Skip for a superb long-on six which cleared the rope by yards.
Along the way there were turned-down appeals for LB and at one stage, a full-scale, on-the-pitch technical conference about the 'hitting inline' rules.
A target of 146 off 35 was a mite more than Cincers had wanted - especially as Tim M was just about our only recognised top batsman on show. (Where's bat-fixing Selfish when we needed him?!)
The outfield was also desperately slow, with the recent rains preventing normal lawnmower operations.
The Skip - batting in a helmet two sizes two big because he'd left his at home - opened up with Dee.
The aim: see off BK's openers and pave the way to victory by supporting Mixed Grill.
Disaster struck, though.
Dee was given out LB early on - despite evidence that he had hit the leather off it.
A sporting gesture from BK skip Pete meant he was reprieved to come in at the end of Cincers' innings.
Of which, more later.
The Skip, playing one of his worst-ever innings, survived long enough to see Tim M arrive at the crease, almost ran himself out and was then bowled.
We struggled with the run rate, just about keeping pace with the four-an-over asking rate.
But only BK leaking extra after extra kept us in the hunt.
The strategy of seeing off BK's openers hit a big hitch.
Zain and Kamran, the two players loaned to the oppo, turned out to be pretty lively seamers.
Only Tim had their measure.
David H and then Majid kept Tim company but wickets kept falling.
Shortly after being urged by the Skip to 'play straight, straight', Majid did just that. He cross-batted it straight up in the air.
Panic stations for BK as four players converged on the catch...which plopped beautifully between them just behind the bowler's end.
Tim had raced (I use the term advisedly) to the striker's end to take advantage of the mayhem.
Sadly, Majid hadn't moved.
He was run out.
Rockie should have been the next man in but gave up his place to Chris P. Big mistake by the ex-Chairman (see below).
Bit by bit, Cincers somehow edged nearer.
Screams for LB went unanswered.
Time and again, BK shot themselves in the foot with a flurry of wides.
Chris P sneaked a couple here and a couple there, while Tim plundered the odd bad bowl.
With about 15 needed and three overs left, Chris P was bowled.
Rockie was next in, followed by Richard H.
At least, that's what the card said.
But the Skip (umpiring) had already told Dee to pad up ready for his return.
He controversially called him back out straight away.
BK politely asked about whether that was quite in order, etc, etc.
Edgily, the Skip muttered darkly about how we'd given the oppo two crack players.
Dee rapidly showed why he'd been recalled.
Opening his arms, he walloped a four to widish mid-off, one bounce over the boundary.
The pressure was still on.
But with the final over and five needed, BK's own Farhan nervously served up two no-balls.
Then a dot ball.
So three needed off three.
And then in a second, it was all over.
A full toss was tennis-smashed behind square by Dee for four. Should have been another no-ball but no-one was counting.
Tim ended up with a superb not out.
Extras was second top scorer - 44 out of 149.
Dee was 14 not out or 19 for one if you count his first effort.
Funny old game.
ROCKIE'S REVIEW:  There's a pouch in my kit bag. Never quite worked out what it's for.
May be it's to stuff a newspaper in. Or a freshly-baked baguette.
At Christmas time, it'd be ideal for a roll of festive wrapping paper.
Or a giant Havana cigar.
But one thing it's not for - a cricket bat.
Because there's no point my bringing one to a Cincers game. Grrrrrrrrrr!
(As shouted to the Skip).

Cincers' hit by 'bat-fixing' scandal after Selfish stages one-made show to sink the Saints

Cincinnati was last night plunged into a damaging internal row over claims that our star batsman had deliberately 'not got out'.
Simon 'Selfish' B was accused of a calculating 'bat-fixing'  bid to prevent other team members from having a bat during the victory over London Saints.
Sources claimed the opening bat sent a text after the game boasting of how he had deliberately prevented colleagues from taking the crease by scoring an undefeated century.
One source said: 'Selfish was crowing about how the sight of other Cincers' queuing up for a go  with their freshly-oiled bats had egged him on to not get out. Typical.'
The row threatened to overshadow a superb Cincers' triumph over Saints at their home ground of Elstree on one of  this summer's three scheduled non-raining Sundays.
After the Skip lost the toss (as usual), the game began with Robert de Q showing off at square leg by running out (controversially, according to Saints) one of their openers and then taking a lobbed catch off Abid.
Other highlights of Saints' innings included Abid and the Chairman (T. Ross Esq) snaffling three wickets a piece.
The Spinners Union (R. Hadlow and the Skip) had a mixed day. Richard got a bit of a biffing.
The Skipper went for (one) less than five an over and took a wicket. He was later seen buying a lottery ticket.
And so to our controversy-hit reply. Set 167 to win off 35, the Chairman and the aforementioned Selfish began slowly. Very slowly.
At one point, we were going at under two an over.
The Chairman in particular was struggling to find his usual form,
The impending arrival of new baby (Bill as he is now known) was doubtless on his mind.
But at the other end, Simon was getting into his stride.
The first wicket went down at 78 when Tim was bowled.
But only one more fell before Cincers overhauled the opposition's total with nine balls of the 35 overs to spare.
Simon finished on 117 not out.
Stat-watch:  Selfish has now played three times against Saints, never been out and has scored a 100 each time.
Saints' frustration was clear for all to see.
Sadly, so was the frustration of eager-beaver Cincers' batters (Dee and the Skip included) all padded up and nowhere to go after Simon's crease-hogging performance.
Selfish was last unavailable to comment - largely  because the blog didn't ring him beforehand!
* NEW FEATURE - ROCKIE'S REVIEW (EACH WEEK, THE FORMER CHAIRMAN WILL OFFER HIS CONSIDERED VIEWS ON THE DAY)
Hmm. As the person who coined the 'Selfish Simon' tag, I'm not surprised at these bat-fixing rumours.
Some people don't seem to understand that cricket's about partnerships, sharing, letting other people 'have a go'.
The batting crease is not one person's private property. It belongs to us all. It's our birthright.
It's as English as Magna Carta though I can't say I've ever met the lady.
If this goes on, there'll be no point anyone else bringing their bat along to games.
You might as well bring a stick of rhubarb. With some sugar and custard. Yum yum. Lovely!
(As told to the Skip).

Cold hands beat warm hearts as under-strength Cincers lose out on season's chilly opener

We few. We happy few - all four of us.
Cincers started the 2012 season with nearly every team regular showing a united front...by not being available.
Just four Cincers' established players took the field against West XI - and one of those had only played one game for us before.
The match, at Winchmore Hill in north London, only went ahead for two reasons.
First, the opposition organiser Steve Rennie kindly offered us players to make up a team.
And second, Abid rustled up two late new players - Majid and Farhan.
The resulting nine-a-side contest took place in bitterly cold conditions with a wind which had taken a direct flight from Siberia.
To make it more fun, our hosts decided on a two-innings contest of 18 overs each and with the batting orders reversed in the second innings.
The Skip started the season in traditional form. He lost the toss.
West XI batted first and posted a challenging 108 for 3 with Cincers bowlers struggling to find their length.
Opposition bowlers Steve Rennie and Mike Herlihy - turning their arm their for us - picked up a wicket a piece as did the Skip.
In reply, we struggled to 88 for 6.
Only Dee prospered. Thanks to the wicket being right on the edge of the square, he could almost touch the legside boundary on one side and he didn't miss out.
But on 23, there was a mix-up and Dee was run out.
After that, only new recruit Majid reached double figures.
Second time round, opposition legspinner S. Bignell - loaned to us by West XI - showed the Skip how to bowl leggies.
He conceded just 12 off four overs for one wicket.
By contrast, the Captain's one over this time round went for 15 including a valiant attempted catch by Behzad that sadly ended up over the rope for six off that dratted short boundary.
Needing 130 over 18 was always going to be a challenge.
But the Skip, opening with Majid, did his best for the run-rate. He got bowled early on for 3.
Progress thereafter was a bit like the outside temperature - glacial.
That is, it was until S. Bignell opened his shoulders.
Mr Bignell, it is fair to say, is not in the first flush of youth.
But with some cracking straight drives, including a six to the other side of the sight screen, he ended up with a superb 53 not out.
Other contributions came from Mike Herlihy with 18 and Farhad with 16.
Unfortunately, 101 for 6 was not enough.
Cincers finished 28 runs adrift.
But many thanks to Steve Rennie of West XI - and Abid - for ensuring the game even went ahead in the first place.
And as for all those Cincers who didn't turn out, well, hang your heads in shame!
* Game played on May 20 - sorry for late posting of match report.