Walloped Weasels cry 'we want to go home' as Selfish and Test Match seal victory

It had been coming for a while but it was Test Match Tim who sparked a howl of pure anguish from Weasels.
A wild play-and-miss outside off was followed by a rasping boundary to mid-wicket.
As Tim held the pose, it was all too much for Weasels' opening bowler Greg.
'Cricket. What a cruel, cruel game,' he cried in pain.
There was more at the end of his over.
'I want to go home. Skip, please take me off,' the seamer sighed.
It was that sort of day for our Sunday opponents at Greenwich Park.
Fielding just nine men (one fewer than Cincers), Weasels won the toss and put themselves in and were going well until a freak dismissal.
New left-armer Chris Payne, in apparently his first bowling spell ever, slipped and sent down a juicy long-hop outside off.
The eyes of Weasels' batter William lit up and he hammered it square for four....only to see Tim M snaffle the catch at point. Thirty-three for one.
Juat six runs later, skipper Bish smashed one back straight and watched in astonishment as Chris took a stunning caught-and-bowled.
With his burly build and muscular approach to the wicket, the Skip spotted it immediately.
Chris is Tim Bresnan's left-handed cousin. Great debut.
Cincers had opened up with Charlie Barker and Richard de Q.
Tight-bowling from both, especially Charlie, kept Weasels in check before Chris took the first wickets.
At the other end, Test Match's accurate swinging deliveries meant the opposition was going at a snail's pace.
Enter the spin twins - offie Richard H and the Skip's lofted leggies now converted into involuntary googlies.
Plus generous leg-stump full tosses which helped Weasels up the pace and mount a bid for respectability.
However, Richard's offies were working their usual magic with a smart stumping from the keeper ....Tom Lowe. 82 for 3.
('Are you going to mention my razor-sharp reactions and superb glovemanship on the blog, Skip?' Tom asked modestly after the match.)
Oh, all right then.
Two clean-bowleds from Richard H meant Weasels had slumped to 85 for 5.
The offie could have had more, dropping a sharp chance off his bowling.
As did the Skip. He put down a c & b for the second week running.
But he picked up two caught behinds thanks to Tom, the first an authentic edge to a full-pitched ball which baffled the batsman and the bowler by shaping in rather than the intended turn away.
The second was ripped straight from the Cincers Book of Shame, a double-bouncing embarrassment which somehow the batsman managed to edge into Tom's grateful gloves.
The bowler decided on a mumbled apology rather than a full-throated appeal.
The Skip, who has sent down far fewer deliveries this year than last, would have stayed on for his full seven overs was it not for a cautionary word from Selfish.
Seeing the new tailender speak with an Aussie accent and smash his first delivery from the Skip for a straight four, Selfish muttered 'could be a honey monster'.
The Captain shivered. Memories of the muscle-bound Australian youth who smashed him round the West of Ireland a few years ago flashed up.
The Skip made a strategic retreat and Selfish and Tim mopped up the last two wickets, the last one being the so-called new Honey Monster for a less than murderous 13.
Still, you got yourself a bowl, didn't you, Simon?
Weasels finished on 115 all out off 32.3.
By now, the overcast Sunday had transformed itself into a gorgeous late summer's day.
Perfect batting weather even if the Greenwich Park was the usual bounceless pudding.
But what the heck - we were fortified by a delivery of scrumptious home-made brownies by Test Match's better half Amy at tea-time.
What could stop us?
Accordingly, Cincers' openers Selfish and Test Match set off a gallop, with Simon in particular punishing the bad balls.
Weasels' frustations began to show as the pair rattled along at about five an hour with only the occasional scare.
Eventually, Honey Monster Mark II trapped Selfish in front when he was two short of yet another half-century.
Umpiring, the Skip didn't move a muscle for seconds..before triggering him.
He left the stage slowly, his partnership with Test Match sundered one run short of the century.
James arrived and made clear what all his cries of 'get on with it' from the boundary edge were all about.
He scythed his first ball for four to mid-wicket. Another followed soon.
There was still life in the game, though.
Test Match was skittled for 43 by Weasels' skipper Bish who bowled as though he had made a mistake by bringing himself on so late (the curse of many a bowling Skipper....).
Moyners trotted out with the formica shelving (he calls it a bat but we know better).
He quickly trotted back - 0ut for a duck after giving himself room for a trademark cover drive that didn't quite come off.
Now he's talking about coming to winter nets. Yes, you read it here first. Tim M at nets. Better get a photographer.
The scene was set for Tom to show off with barely 10 needed to win.
Portentously, he called James down for a mid-wicket conference which went like this: 'Let's get them in singles.'
Decoded, that meant 'give me the strike and you won't see it again 'cos I'll get them in two shots.'
Sadly for Tom, the Skip, still umpiring, had a quiet word in James's ear.
He duly kept the strike and got the winning runs with a sweep behind square for four.
Game over.
Thanks to Charlie for fielding for Weasels to help them make up the numbers.
And thanks to Weasels for a game played in great spirit with the odd bit of self-sledging by them.
Match tally so far this season: Won 5, lost 4, one tie. Gulp.
Next stop the tour in Provence!